Dust

most days i think there is nothing i would rather like than a new job. i can feel in my innermost being that i am not in the right place. which gets me thinking about what is the right place. what was i made to do? i have a lot of interests, which makes it difficult sometimes to see what my true gifts are. because i can sew, but not like a tailor or a seamstress. and i can build, but not like a carpenter. however, from each of these things i get satisfaction, and i would do any of them on a day off and enjoy it. oftentimes i feel two pulls on my life. one to do work with my hands and one to be relational with others. and when i do both, i feel alive.

in genesis, when the consequences of the fall are laid out, God says to adam,

"cursed is the ground because of you;

in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;

thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;

and you shall eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread,

till you return to the ground,

for out of it you were taken;

for you are dust,

and to dust you shall return."   - [genesis 3:17b-19]

and from that point on humans, perhaps specifically men were called to labor for their livelihood. "by the sweat of your face shall you eat bread." this sweat is the thing i feel like i yearn for. the labors we were called to were simple labors, necessary labors. growing food, making bread. the labors that enable us to sustain ourselves and our families. i feel like at my core i long for the ability to do these labors and not have to worry about pay or money. i feel like life should be simpler than that. I want to be able to cook and bake for people, clean, or build a chair or a table in exchange for a place to live. i feel like i need my time to be spent in sweat to be true to who i was created to be, and who i became after the fall. just as i know my wife pines deeply for the opportunity to be a mother (part of her role as described in genesis 3).

i suppose, to be more concise, i have recently begun to more strongly feel my connection with the dust from which i came. i feel my body's desire to be a part of that dust, and to follow in my Father's footsteps, molding it into the things that sustain life. to me, this seems paramount. and regardless of whether i find it in a job, i need a job that will allow me to partake in dust.

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Into the Chasm

a couple of weeks ago at our neighborhood small group we spent some time in guided prayer. as i sat there with my eyes closed the flat pixelated plane of my eyelids gave way to an endless black void. the darkness instantaneously went from two dimensions to three. a deep, ebony chasm unknowable for it's value and it's depth. as i witnessed this change, i knew the emptiness was God. the curtain of my eyelids was torn in two and i was confronted with the knowledge that i was staring directly into the Unknowable Core of the Creator. the same Dark Nothingness that was over the face of the deep and filled everything before the creation of the universe. the eternally-mysterious, unknowable God who pieced me together and chooses to make His home inside me. for a short while there was no distance between us - no facade, no make-up, no elderly white-haired man with a beard. just the intimacy of me and the truest analog of God i can imagine.

so i sat there - staring into the chasm, comforted by the mystery.

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Jeremiah's Letter to the Exiles

being in such a precarious position lately has really made me think about God's provision and what it means to be provided for. job opportunities come and go lately. some linger for what seems like ages with no news. through it all, it's easy to get discouraged and even feel like you've got absolutely nothing to offer anyone. and, if it weren't for my wonderful wife, i'd probably set up camp there. i'd say our money is wearing thin, but i think we skipped that and went straight to being threadbare. between alissa's checks and cashing in a life insurance policy, we'll be able to make it another month or so. each time we get close to zero some small thing happens to bring us back up into temporary safety. in this way, God provides for us.

when the Israelites were in the desert, God gave them manna from heaven; but they were warned only to collect what they needed for the day, otherwise it would spoil and produce maggots. In the same spirit, Jesus taught us all how to pray by saying "...give us this day our daily bread..." [matthew 6]. on and on, God tries to get His people to rely on Him one day at a time; and this is something He has been teaching me since i met Him; so, even though it's hard to sit and wait, that is what i do, knowing that each day His provision will come and one day could even be a job.

in a similar way, when the Israelites were taken into exile, they wondered when the trials they were facing would end. so, God sent Jeremiah a message to be delivered to the exiles. this is what He said:

[4]"Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: [5]Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. [6]Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. [7]But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. [8]For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: Do not let your prophets and your diviners who are among you deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams that they dream, [9]for it is a lie that they are prophesying to you in my name; I did not send them, declares the LORD.

[10]"For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. [11]For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. [12]Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. [13]You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. [14]I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

-[jeremiah 29:4-14]

this passage has been very encouraging to me lately for many reasons. it is clear that God does not pretend that their troubles will be over soon, He tells them to build houses and raise families in the places they have been taken to [v. 5-6]. furthermore, He tells them to not despise the place or the people but instead to "seek their welfare" because their futures were tied together [v.7]. i can only imagine the false prophets in verses 8 and 9 were telling them it would all be over soon. God then goes on to say that He knows when the end will come, He can be trusted and will rescue every one of His people. for me, these verses encourage me to not only hang on, but to get comfortable with my surroundings; and to not despise my circumstances but rather to find the good in them.

throughout these verses i hear God clearly saying, "you knew there would be trials, you knew there would be hard times, don't fight them. I have appointed a specific time for this to be over and I will bring you back from these circumstances. trust me, andy, because I know the plans I have for you and your wife; and they are good. though I am always with you, you will discover Me again. I will not let you give up, I will be found by you! though you feel broken, I will gather you up and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."

a picture of a loving God who provides for His people.

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Justice

friday, a lot of people were talking about justice. on one of npr's call-in shows, "on point," they had a guy on talking about what he called 'social justice' and if it was possible to have a global standard of justice.  many people called in to talk about the subject and it became apparent that what we were talking about was not real justice.  in amos, God says justice is something that should roll onward like a river.  it should be constant and consistent.  what most people refer to when they say justice seems to be more akin to retaliation and vengeance; something that comes in spurts after wrong-doings.  we call it justice when someone is executed for a crime they've committed, and we say justice has been served when something bad happens to someone we don't like.  but to me justice seems to be more about what we give than what we take away.  more about providing for the needs of those around us than getting even with our enemies.  after all Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you and to judge only if we wanted to be judged in the same way.  our idea of justice as vengeance only puts us in the judgement seat ourselves.  generally, i think we tend to see justice as something to get (get even).  but in micah, God tells us justice is something we should do (make the playing field even).

i don't know how to end this post...

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The Doorknob

as we sat in the church sunday afternoon during the visitation hours for caitlin's mom, dr. don, one of the pastor's at new covenant, pointed out to matt, who was sitting next to me, the doorknob on a stained glass window depicting Jesus knocking at a door.  "there's not supposed to be a doorknob there," he said.

the picture in question is from revelation 3, the letter to the church in laodicea.  Jesus says,

"[20]Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me"

doc says the doorknob shouldn't be there because it is up to the tenant to open the door, Jesus can't enter without us asking Him in.  it's true we must ask Him in, but i wonder if He can't or if He just won't come in until we let Him.  i didn't say anything about it, because this is a completely unimportant matter of opinion based on personal interpretation of the Bible, but it got me thinking about the whole doorknob thing.  (i guess i should have told you that at the beginning so you could have avoided reading this... oh well.)  just as miracles occur when God decides to break the laws of nature that He set into place (or in other words, He can always make axe heads float and multiply a healthy-sized lunch into a feast for thousands, but He chooses to not do that stuff everyday), i don't think God forces us to "love" Him or be in a relationship with Him. instead, i think He allows us to let Him in even though, being God, He could probably get in regardless.  to me, love isn't really love unless you had a choice to not love in the first place.

i have heard people say in regards to this verse that God is the perfect gentleman; He will not come in uninvited.  i think that's true, no matter how many doorknobs there are.

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Partially Purified

sometimes i wonder if i ask God to purify me with His Holy fire only to wake up screaming for someone to put the fire out.

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Church life

the other week, i was sitting in church and thinking, "is this what church is really supposed to be like?" i mean, it's good... but it's not great. (as usual, my observation comes not only from my present situation, but from all my experiences. read: it's not just this church)

in the book of acts, the church had a reputation (a good reputation). people joined not only because they recieved a life-changing message of hope, but they were also joining because they saw something they wanted to be a part of. we've all heard this before: people should see Christ shining through you and come ask what's so different about you, etc, etc... but we grossly miss the point. we think walking around with a smile on your face the whole day long will make people come talk to you, that whistling while you work will save somebody's soul. my experience shows that no one will see you walking with your smile because no body likes to make eye contact and people will probably beat you up for being annoying if you continue to whilstle incessantly ("dude, they asked you to stop." "oh they just need the love of Jesus, i'll whistle louder!" "they're going to hit you if you don't stop" "blessed are you if you're persecuted for righteousness, right?" ...POW!) you're not a saint, you're just a jerk who wouldn't stop whistling.

facetiousness aside, the early Church was magnetic, because of the community that they shared, not the actions they performed. true, they did stuff, but the motives behind their actions were to communally share life with all of God's children. they got together daily to enjoy eachother's company (crazy talk, i know) they sang together, prayed together, studied together and ate together. they "held all things in common," sharing all that they had and selling what they couldn't share so they could share the money they made. it says they went to worship together and ate together and by doing BOTH of these things they received their food with glad and generous hearts ('man does not live on bread alone, but on every Word that flows from God's mouth [matthew 4:4]' - Jesus, the Bread of Life). and THEN it says, they were held in favor by all people, and God added to their numbers every day. [acts 2:42-47]

when they started a 'program' it was for the sake of those whom they were serving, not for the glory of the congregation. in chapter six it says they realized some people were being overlooked in the DAILY distribution of resources, so to make sure they serves all those who needed served, they appointed seven people to head up their 'feeding program' so the apostles could continue to teach, because all gifts are equally important inside the Church. they didn't stop teaching to start "serving tables," but they didn't give up feeding people either because they thought teaching was more important. they made sure there was a place for every gift of the Spirit (teaching, preaching, feeding, administrating, prophesying, hospitality, prayer, etc.)

and this, finally, is what i think we're missing so much of today. our church services are full of teaching and preaching. the sermon is the crux of the sunday service, it's hard for most of us to imagine going without one. and then our weeks are filled with Bible studies, one for this group, one for that group, etc. don't get me wrong now, these things are good. but somewhere somebody decided that the gifts of preching and teaching trumped all others and should be given special attention. (granted in 1 corinthians 12, paul puts a few of the gifts in an order of significance, but his intended goal was only to show that speaking in tongues was not the most desirable of these gifts. but even so, the first on the list are apostles (which is most commonly accepted to mean a missionary who 'charts new land,' an ambassador for the Gospel, in other words) and then he puts prophets second, and teaching doesn't even come until third.) teaching and preaching are important. after all, we need to make sure that everyone is on the same page as far as what is necessary for salvation and what is purely preferential doctrine (what much of the new testament is about), new Christians need to know all about their new faith, and it's always cool to learn something new about the greek words used, but we mostly decide to forget about all the other stuff. because mostly the other stuff all deals with really caring for others.

what if we ate a meal together every sunday? what if it was home-made? what if intentially, willingly spent time together every day? what if we shared a meal everyday? what if we helped each other pay our rents when times were tough? what if we shared a rent or a house payment because we shared a house? what if our church 'family' was really a family; really a group of people we felt deeply connected to? would others want what you have then? do they want the loneliness of the rugged american individualism you have now?

the Church should be a (daily) celebration of togetherness. a celebration of our common roots (redemption from sin) our common lives (humbly walking with our God) and our common futures (eternal Communion). what are we doing to achieve this? where is our desire to achieve this?

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something to ponder on the 4th of july

who is your Lord? who is your Savior? who is your Redeemer?
to whom do you belong?

God or Caesar?

- [exodus 20:3]
- [1 corinthians 6:19-20]

- [matthew 6:24]

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1 corinthians 12:27-31

"[27] All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it. [28] Here are some of the parts God has appointed for the church:

first are apostles,
second are prophets,
third are teachers,
then those who do miracles,
those who have the gift of healing,
those who can help others,
those who have the gift of leadership,
those who speak in unknown languages.

[29] Are we all apostles? Are we all prophets? Are we all teachers? Do we all have the power to do miracles? [30] Do we all have the gift of healing? Do we all have the ability to speak in unknown languages? Do we all have the ability to interpret unknown languages? Of course not! [31] So you should earnestly desire the most helpful gifts."

-[1 corinthians 12:27-31]

i have never been much for denominational differences. don't get me wrong, i am constantly gaining a love for the Christian tradition and the many different ways we, as a Body, have found to worship our Creator, but the damage done by the divisions will eventually outweigh the good.

i love hymns, a gift from the liturgical churches, i think it's so amazing to be able to sing the same words to the same tune that Christians for hundreds of years have sung; i also love 'contemporary' praise songs, a pretty recent gift from the mainline church, i think the energy and excitment conveyable through them is unmatched by hymns because people who sing hymns sing like they're bored. i also love gospel choir music ('nuff said!).
i love to take notes when i hear the preacher get up and start to speak, a mostly white church thing, it helps me focus and learn better; i also love it when i can't pick up a pen because i am enthralled by the passion of the speaker and the interest of the congregation, an event typical in the black church.
i love to see the Spirit move visibly, as in a pentacostal church; and love to see people quiety contemplating God, as typical of most other churches.

the problem is, we are so opposed to accepting the gifts other denominations have to offer into our own congregations and these gifts stay centralized and polarized.

i used to attend a charismatic youth group on wednesday nights in high school. i went because the worship was amazing (my 'main church' was united methodist, but i couldn't tell you half of the theological differences). everyone in that room was seeking God, and you could feel it. there were many times when people were driven to their knees, arms stretched in worship, or down right 'slain in the Spirit' to use some insider jargon (knocked down by the powerful presence of God's Holy Spirit). most nights, someone would speak in tounges. i longed for this spiritual gift, because it was so cool to me. i felt as though i was really missing out on something big. the church there preached a separate baptism in the Holy Spirit to receive such gifts (from the text in acts 2) (now, i believe that we receive the Holy Spirit when we believe in Christ, it's a package deal, and so is the baptism ("...in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit...") ala galatians 3), so one night i went to meet with someone from the church to have them pray over me and baptize me in the Holy Spirit. my heart was expectant and my mind was believing, and he prayed over me for a long time, and then i prayed as well, i wanted so badly for there to be evidence by speaking in tongues, but it never happened. i was dissappointed and wanted an answer so i started to read up. i was being taught from a one-sided theology. i read the passage above along with 1 corinthians 14 and i began to understand. paul says that not only will everyone not speak in tongues, but that other Spiritual gifts are much more useful, and that we should desire those that are most beneficial to the body. i saw that teaching, leadership and service were all gifts from the Spirit as well and useful to the body, i saw where paul says it might be better for those who speak in tongues to stay quiet during church if there's no one there to interpret, and i began to seek out the gifts that i had been given.

[finally a point!] i began to see that the church i attended on wednesdays had a corner on the market for people who spoke in tongues, i saw that my 'home church' had a corner on people gifted in service, and i saw that churches like the one i attended in college had a corner on people gifted to teach and my church here in logan had a high percentage of people gifted with faith.

i began to see that that was no good.

we, as human beings, love to gather with people that are similar to us; but We, as the Church, have just ended up with one church that is full of hands, and another that is full of feet [1 corinthians 12:12-26] to be the Body that God envisions for His People we MUST get over ourselves. we must not be content being around a bunch of like-minded ears forever [v.17]. it is our diversity that makes us strong in our testimony as a community and proclomation to the world. our differences cause us to dicuss, to defend our beliefs (in turn learning what we really believe), and to discover what's really important. they teach us how to truly love others by loving people we don't always agree with. our diversity keeps us credible.

the Church is sick. we are divided.

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romans 7-8

i have been going through mark section by section, but the other day i just felt really dead in my sins, so i took a trip over to romans looking for the "no condemnation" verse. i felt so awful because i continue to desire to get better, but my flesh never changes. i wanted to be able to remember who i am in Christ.
romans 1-8 is basically a long continuous argument that paul is having with himself, making a statement and then making another defending against the first counter-argument he can think of. so it just kind of flows and rambles. it's toward the end of this where he asks, "did that which is good (the law) then bring death to me?" [romans 7:13] and begins to talk about always doing the opposite of what he wants to do. he says if he does what he does not want then it is no longer him who is actually doing it, but the sin that dwells in him [v. 20]. that he delights in the law in his inner being, but sees his flesh following another law which is waging war with the law in his mind; making him a captive to the law of sin that dwells in his body [v. 22-23]. but then says that because of all of this there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus [8:1]. and goes on talking about how if you set you mind on flesh you will recieve death but if you set your mind on the Spirit you will receive life and peace [v.6] and discusses being "in the flesh" and "in the Spirit". and i wonder how with all this war within us and our bodies still being a captive to the law of sin we can have absolutely no condemnation come upon us. and it seems that the key is in the mind. as stated earlier he says the law of his mind and the law of his flesh are at war [7:23] and that those that set their minds on the Spirit will receive life and peace [8:6] and later in romans he tells us that we should no longer be conformed to the patterns of this world but rather, through the renewing of our minds, we should be transformed into the Will of God [12:2]. somehow these two kingdoms, one of a decaying flesh and the other of a refreshing God, live side-by-side with eachother in our earthly bodies, constantly at war with one another. it seems the only release from this tension is death. and though we are constantly in this struggle, our fleshes forever belonging to the world, our minds and spirits have been renewed and replaced by the Holy Spirit, giving us evidence of our salvationin the we can not stand our own actions.
this is why when we realize this dichotomy within ourselves, we groan for completion with the rest of creation [8:22-23]. enduring the pain of not being able to control our own selves and eagerly awaiting the day when this war within us will end. but we are not without help; these first fruits [8:23] include patience to endure and self-control [galatians 5:22-23].

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