new home. and it is such a relief.

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for the longest time i haven't had the chance to write here because things really have been that crazy. for a long time i didn't have any job. then i got one working for a pizza place. the hours were awful and the management was worse. i never saw alissa and i never had a free moment. then i got another (better) offer and was going to keep both but the manager i talked to and had cleared it with decided suddenly he changed his mind, so i had to quit or i'd be fired the next morning for not showing up. so i now have a job, and have since mid-march. i work as a teacher assistant at a school for students with intellectual disabilities. the thing is, i never set out to be a teacher or to work in special education; both of which just so happen to be the family business on my mom's side of the family. and even though i don't think this place is the best fit for me, its funny how some things seem to be inside you that need no nourishing. our families give us good things that we are blessed with, and bad things that we must fight against our whole lives. the pull of genetics is strong and mysterious.

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on december 30th, right before the new year, i reinvented myself. i changed my name, officially, to andrew monte browning-couch. it's been interesting trying to remember to put it on things especially as i fill out lots and lots of job applications. i even had to practice a new signature so that i wouldn't do the old one automatically when i sign a receipt or important paper work. i like me new signature and i like my new name. it's like alissa and i are officially, finally a real family; we share a name.

i was going to write something thoughtful and probing about the importance of names how they affect our views of ourselves. i even saved the first sentence of this post to finish later; but, honestly, right now talking about my signature is way more interesting.

a picture from the honeymoon:

(the browning-couches after a lot of walking in san francisco)

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Jeremiah's Letter to the Exiles

being in such a precarious position lately has really made me think about God's provision and what it means to be provided for. job opportunities come and go lately. some linger for what seems like ages with no news. through it all, it's easy to get discouraged and even feel like you've got absolutely nothing to offer anyone. and, if it weren't for my wonderful wife, i'd probably set up camp there. i'd say our money is wearing thin, but i think we skipped that and went straight to being threadbare. between alissa's checks and cashing in a life insurance policy, we'll be able to make it another month or so. each time we get close to zero some small thing happens to bring us back up into temporary safety. in this way, God provides for us.

when the Israelites were in the desert, God gave them manna from heaven; but they were warned only to collect what they needed for the day, otherwise it would spoil and produce maggots. In the same spirit, Jesus taught us all how to pray by saying "...give us this day our daily bread..." [matthew 6]. on and on, God tries to get His people to rely on Him one day at a time; and this is something He has been teaching me since i met Him; so, even though it's hard to sit and wait, that is what i do, knowing that each day His provision will come and one day could even be a job.

in a similar way, when the Israelites were taken into exile, they wondered when the trials they were facing would end. so, God sent Jeremiah a message to be delivered to the exiles. this is what He said:

[4]"Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: [5]Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. [6]Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. [7]But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. [8]For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: Do not let your prophets and your diviners who are among you deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams that they dream, [9]for it is a lie that they are prophesying to you in my name; I did not send them, declares the LORD.

[10]"For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. [11]For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. [12]Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. [13]You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. [14]I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

-[jeremiah 29:4-14]

this passage has been very encouraging to me lately for many reasons. it is clear that God does not pretend that their troubles will be over soon, He tells them to build houses and raise families in the places they have been taken to [v. 5-6]. furthermore, He tells them to not despise the place or the people but instead to "seek their welfare" because their futures were tied together [v.7]. i can only imagine the false prophets in verses 8 and 9 were telling them it would all be over soon. God then goes on to say that He knows when the end will come, He can be trusted and will rescue every one of His people. for me, these verses encourage me to not only hang on, but to get comfortable with my surroundings; and to not despise my circumstances but rather to find the good in them.

throughout these verses i hear God clearly saying, "you knew there would be trials, you knew there would be hard times, don't fight them. I have appointed a specific time for this to be over and I will bring you back from these circumstances. trust me, andy, because I know the plans I have for you and your wife; and they are good. though I am always with you, you will discover Me again. I will not let you give up, I will be found by you! though you feel broken, I will gather you up and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."

a picture of a loving God who provides for His people.

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a lot of things have been wearing me down lately, and every so often the decision to merely get up and take part in life is unattractive. but i can easily say i am glad for my wife each and every day, without waver or doubt. she is the greatest gift i could have ever received; and i am far more lucky to have her than i deserve. i love her.

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instead of taking on the impossible task of retelling everything in detail, i'll just tell you that it was awesome and continues to be awesome. i love being married to alissa.

currently, i am looking for a job. i spent today driving around town stopping at social service organizations and dropping off resumes. most people aren't hiring, but if i'm going to have to apply for a just-to-get-by job i'd like to know that someone has my resume and is going to pretend to call me if something comes up. BUT (!) there is hope. the partnership for families, children and adults (or everyone, as alissa and i like to call it) asked if i would like to interview for a case worker position. of course i said "yes." we will see what happens next!

(there's a guy from the utc library standing behind us right now waiting for us to leave... creepy)

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Justice

friday, a lot of people were talking about justice. on one of npr's call-in shows, "on point," they had a guy on talking about what he called 'social justice' and if it was possible to have a global standard of justice.  many people called in to talk about the subject and it became apparent that what we were talking about was not real justice.  in amos, God says justice is something that should roll onward like a river.  it should be constant and consistent.  what most people refer to when they say justice seems to be more akin to retaliation and vengeance; something that comes in spurts after wrong-doings.  we call it justice when someone is executed for a crime they've committed, and we say justice has been served when something bad happens to someone we don't like.  but to me justice seems to be more about what we give than what we take away.  more about providing for the needs of those around us than getting even with our enemies.  after all Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you and to judge only if we wanted to be judged in the same way.  our idea of justice as vengeance only puts us in the judgement seat ourselves.  generally, i think we tend to see justice as something to get (get even).  but in micah, God tells us justice is something we should do (make the playing field even).

i don't know how to end this post...

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