as i have been diligently ignoring the fact that i have a blog, many things have been happening. the most in my face one being that i only have a few weeks left in logan, west virginia. it seems weird but true nonetheless. this friday (a week from today) i am hopping on a train and going to get my lovely bride-to-be from south dakota via jess's wedding in chicago. and when we get back east of the mississippi, she'll be helping me to move out of new covenant and we'll be driving back to murfreesboro to live in the same town for the couple months before we get married. it's going to be incredible to have my very best friend at my fingertips; to be able to call her on the phone with the objective of spending time together in person; to be able to just watch her exist in front of me; to see her more often than once every few months. it's sad to be leaving logan but there are many many people who were there long before me and will be there long after me who will be continuing the work they started a long time ago, and let me join with them in for a short while. alissa and i are still trying to discern where it is we will be moving after the wedding, but it's really not that important right now (although some may think otherwise) we have lots of time. and the only thing that matters to us is that wherever we are, we'll have eachother.

one of the hardest things for us right now is the thought that what we're doing (moving to tennessee for a couple months before the wedding) seems almost selfish. it's the first major action either of us has taken in a while that's only for oursleves. this move is for our good, and the good of our relationship. and at the same time we are both leaving places where we (at least try) to exist everyday for other people. we talked about this today and i think the weird thing is that our move is for another, and in these upcoming months we will be learning more than ever how to exist for another: our spouse. it's going to take a mental shift to remember that a calling to love your spouse is a calling to love another, and maybe more than any other relationship it is a call to selflessness; an exodus out of selfishness, the thing that we both desire; this is a prime way to experience and grow in it. the problem is that i can't help but enjoy the benefit i receive from loving my almost-wife better, and therefore i have to fight the thought that this is a selfish desire. i have to fight the presumption that giving is always a burden and never a joy, and that i should somehow be more sad about pouring love into my wife. (thirteen weeks, five days!)

please pray for us as we work to let Christ change our mindsets and our priorities, and as we continue to seek His guidance and direction.

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it's a crazy world we live in.  for weeks only a few small green shoots were brave enough to try their hardest to break through the bare brown forests covering the mountainsides.  the creek banks were empty and you could see straight through the trees to the composting leaves and branches below.  then in about 5 days, seemingly overnight really, the mountains exploded.  there is not one tree in sight who has yet to put on its new spring outfit and the milkweed on the banks of the creeks and rivers is all of a sudden 5 feet tall or greater.  once again i am surrounded by walls of green.  i have missed it.  thats about as close as i can figure to what God was talking about when He spoke though isaiah saying,

"[12] For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." - [isaiah 55:12]

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The Doorknob

as we sat in the church sunday afternoon during the visitation hours for caitlin's mom, dr. don, one of the pastor's at new covenant, pointed out to matt, who was sitting next to me, the doorknob on a stained glass window depicting Jesus knocking at a door.  "there's not supposed to be a doorknob there," he said.

the picture in question is from revelation 3, the letter to the church in laodicea.  Jesus says,

"[20]Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me"

doc says the doorknob shouldn't be there because it is up to the tenant to open the door, Jesus can't enter without us asking Him in.  it's true we must ask Him in, but i wonder if He can't or if He just won't come in until we let Him.  i didn't say anything about it, because this is a completely unimportant matter of opinion based on personal interpretation of the Bible, but it got me thinking about the whole doorknob thing.  (i guess i should have told you that at the beginning so you could have avoided reading this... oh well.)  just as miracles occur when God decides to break the laws of nature that He set into place (or in other words, He can always make axe heads float and multiply a healthy-sized lunch into a feast for thousands, but He chooses to not do that stuff everyday), i don't think God forces us to "love" Him or be in a relationship with Him. instead, i think He allows us to let Him in even though, being God, He could probably get in regardless.  to me, love isn't really love unless you had a choice to not love in the first place.

i have heard people say in regards to this verse that God is the perfect gentleman; He will not come in uninvited.  i think that's true, no matter how many doorknobs there are.

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last wednesday, i got a call that woke me up (which isn't very out of the ordinary since i live my life on mountain time right now).  lisa told me that caitlin(one of the youth)'s mom was in the hospital with a very bad infection and the doctors said it didn't look good; she asked me to pray.  so i did, and then hurried over to the hospital to be with caitlin and her family.  my plans for the day were much different on tuesday, but i spent the day there with youth as some left school early, some came after, and one never went. we sat, we prayed, we waited, and we left every once in a while to get some air.  it was great to see such a throng of people there to support caitlin and her family.  all day people came and left, and some stayed.  at about 6:20 caitlin lost her mom to the disease.  the funeral was yesterday and again so many people came to support the family.  of course it was hard for her, but caitlin said over and over, praying out loud, "it's okay God, if you want her you can take her," confident because her mom was a Christian.  it reminded me of the quiet strength i saw in aaron as he sat in the hospital waiting for his surgery.  if God keeps raising up kids with faith like that, we'll all be in good hands.

i can't imagine what that day must have been like for caitlin. in my mind it plays like a movie montage.  when she went to sleep, everything was fine, but she was woken up early by the labored breathing of her mom and suddenly everything moves so fast.  from the home to the ambulance to the hospital to the failed surgery attempt to remove the infection to the critical care unit until 6:20 when suddenly everything stopped.  when she went to sleep all was well. but so much can happen in a day.

caitlin is doing VERY well considering the circumstances.  so many people are doing everything they can for her.  please pray for her and for those who are ministering to her and her family right now. THANKS!

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Partially Purified

sometimes i wonder if i ask God to purify me with His Holy fire only to wake up screaming for someone to put the fire out.

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a lot has been happening and this blog has fallen by the wayside. (sorry blog)

first of all you might be interested to know that i'm engaged! (even though every person who reads this already knows that, but i feel like the internet world as a whole should know, too) alissa and i are getting married in october and i am VERY excited.

she was here for a little bit in december and january and we also made a trip back to tennessee then. i started a job with the after school program at nearby omar elementary teaching 3rd and 4th graders about water. i got to go to south dakota to visit my wonderful wife-to-be a couple weeks ago and we had a lot of fun. i've been tutoring this guy in english (surprising, right?) and math. and i'm still going to meetings every month. in other words, life is much more exciting nowadays than it was in the fall. God has provided me with lots to do all of a sudden and people to share life with. He's also been growing the relationships i've had with some of the youth and with joey from church. it's like all of a sudden He opened a window and started dropping joys down on me.

logan itself isn't doing quite as well right now. there have been quite a few structure fires in the last month; some fatal, some not; some accidental, some not. and it seems as though there have been an extreme bump in teen (and one pre-teen) pregnancies. but along with these and all the normalities of southern west virginia, there is hope and it is rising. the secretary at the church i go to and a woman from another area church have started a branch of the goshen project here in town. this is a group that sends backpacks full of food home with students who qualify for free or reduced lunch over the weekend; three meals a day. this is incredibly needed in an area where many kids go without proper meals unless it's a school day. the problem is there are so many kids to feed! they started with 6 students this year and have been asked to expand to at least 30 next year. they are in dire need of supplies/money and helpers. please pray for them (missy and elizabeth) as they undertake this huge responsibility. also, the salvation army is starting a new youth group, and a few community organizations have new directors ready to jump in and get things moving.

no that we've caught up, this weekend was wonderful, and much appreciated. friday i got to hang out with a bunch of the high school boys from youth group, we hung out and played some basketball at a neighborhood court. saturday i headed up to charleston for the state high school poetry reading finals. no one from logan was participating but it was great to see a group of students doing a great job at a positive thing. i had lunch at the farmer's market, stopped by a local bakery, and hung out at a downtown bookstore for ages. then on my way home i treated myself to a nice dinner. it was a lovely day. then yesterday, church was very good. the people who work with the youth group got together afterward and prayed together. i invited joey over to have some fresh soup and share the huge sourdough loaf i had bought saturday. we hung out for the after noon and some kids from kids club stopped by and we played four-square and uno until they had to go home. like i said, a great weekend.

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Church life

the other week, i was sitting in church and thinking, "is this what church is really supposed to be like?" i mean, it's good... but it's not great. (as usual, my observation comes not only from my present situation, but from all my experiences. read: it's not just this church)

in the book of acts, the church had a reputation (a good reputation). people joined not only because they recieved a life-changing message of hope, but they were also joining because they saw something they wanted to be a part of. we've all heard this before: people should see Christ shining through you and come ask what's so different about you, etc, etc... but we grossly miss the point. we think walking around with a smile on your face the whole day long will make people come talk to you, that whistling while you work will save somebody's soul. my experience shows that no one will see you walking with your smile because no body likes to make eye contact and people will probably beat you up for being annoying if you continue to whilstle incessantly ("dude, they asked you to stop." "oh they just need the love of Jesus, i'll whistle louder!" "they're going to hit you if you don't stop" "blessed are you if you're persecuted for righteousness, right?" ...POW!) you're not a saint, you're just a jerk who wouldn't stop whistling.

facetiousness aside, the early Church was magnetic, because of the community that they shared, not the actions they performed. true, they did stuff, but the motives behind their actions were to communally share life with all of God's children. they got together daily to enjoy eachother's company (crazy talk, i know) they sang together, prayed together, studied together and ate together. they "held all things in common," sharing all that they had and selling what they couldn't share so they could share the money they made. it says they went to worship together and ate together and by doing BOTH of these things they received their food with glad and generous hearts ('man does not live on bread alone, but on every Word that flows from God's mouth [matthew 4:4]' - Jesus, the Bread of Life). and THEN it says, they were held in favor by all people, and God added to their numbers every day. [acts 2:42-47]

when they started a 'program' it was for the sake of those whom they were serving, not for the glory of the congregation. in chapter six it says they realized some people were being overlooked in the DAILY distribution of resources, so to make sure they serves all those who needed served, they appointed seven people to head up their 'feeding program' so the apostles could continue to teach, because all gifts are equally important inside the Church. they didn't stop teaching to start "serving tables," but they didn't give up feeding people either because they thought teaching was more important. they made sure there was a place for every gift of the Spirit (teaching, preaching, feeding, administrating, prophesying, hospitality, prayer, etc.)

and this, finally, is what i think we're missing so much of today. our church services are full of teaching and preaching. the sermon is the crux of the sunday service, it's hard for most of us to imagine going without one. and then our weeks are filled with Bible studies, one for this group, one for that group, etc. don't get me wrong now, these things are good. but somewhere somebody decided that the gifts of preching and teaching trumped all others and should be given special attention. (granted in 1 corinthians 12, paul puts a few of the gifts in an order of significance, but his intended goal was only to show that speaking in tongues was not the most desirable of these gifts. but even so, the first on the list are apostles (which is most commonly accepted to mean a missionary who 'charts new land,' an ambassador for the Gospel, in other words) and then he puts prophets second, and teaching doesn't even come until third.) teaching and preaching are important. after all, we need to make sure that everyone is on the same page as far as what is necessary for salvation and what is purely preferential doctrine (what much of the new testament is about), new Christians need to know all about their new faith, and it's always cool to learn something new about the greek words used, but we mostly decide to forget about all the other stuff. because mostly the other stuff all deals with really caring for others.

what if we ate a meal together every sunday? what if it was home-made? what if intentially, willingly spent time together every day? what if we shared a meal everyday? what if we helped each other pay our rents when times were tough? what if we shared a rent or a house payment because we shared a house? what if our church 'family' was really a family; really a group of people we felt deeply connected to? would others want what you have then? do they want the loneliness of the rugged american individualism you have now?

the Church should be a (daily) celebration of togetherness. a celebration of our common roots (redemption from sin) our common lives (humbly walking with our God) and our common futures (eternal Communion). what are we doing to achieve this? where is our desire to achieve this?

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