instead of taking on the impossible task of retelling everything in detail, i'll just tell you that it was awesome and continues to be awesome. i love being married to alissa.

currently, i am looking for a job. i spent today driving around town stopping at social service organizations and dropping off resumes. most people aren't hiring, but if i'm going to have to apply for a just-to-get-by job i'd like to know that someone has my resume and is going to pretend to call me if something comes up. BUT (!) there is hope. the partnership for families, children and adults (or everyone, as alissa and i like to call it) asked if i would like to interview for a case worker position. of course i said "yes." we will see what happens next!

(there's a guy from the utc library standing behind us right now waiting for us to leave... creepy)

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Justice

friday, a lot of people were talking about justice. on one of npr's call-in shows, "on point," they had a guy on talking about what he called 'social justice' and if it was possible to have a global standard of justice.  many people called in to talk about the subject and it became apparent that what we were talking about was not real justice.  in amos, God says justice is something that should roll onward like a river.  it should be constant and consistent.  what most people refer to when they say justice seems to be more akin to retaliation and vengeance; something that comes in spurts after wrong-doings.  we call it justice when someone is executed for a crime they've committed, and we say justice has been served when something bad happens to someone we don't like.  but to me justice seems to be more about what we give than what we take away.  more about providing for the needs of those around us than getting even with our enemies.  after all Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you and to judge only if we wanted to be judged in the same way.  our idea of justice as vengeance only puts us in the judgement seat ourselves.  generally, i think we tend to see justice as something to get (get even).  but in micah, God tells us justice is something we should do (make the playing field even).

i don't know how to end this post...

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that trip was crazy.  i can honestly say i love riding the train, and i hate riding the bus.  the two are probably polar extremes on my list of travel options. so,  after all that and a week in pine ridge of alissa saying good-bye (which you can read about on alissa's blog) we started our long car trip back to tennessee which included a two night stop in minneapolis where we stayed with my friend kari a one night stop in decatur where we stayed with alissa's old family friends the weis' a few day rest in logan a weekend with sarah in d.c. a week in logan where i said good-bye a dinner date with my great-uncle in charleston a bought with the swine flu (yes the swine flu) and a car trip back to murfreesboro (which would look something like this if one were to put it into google maps... not that i have the time for that sort of thing these days...)  one of the weirdest things for me since i've been out of logan has been how ridiculously wide the streets are everywhere that's not logan. here's a good shot of high street, a typical two way road in logan:

odd, yes, but true. (more seriously, it was sad to leave, but i feel like this post is just for catching up, so ill save that for later.)

since we've been back, a lot has been happening.  our time has been filled to the brim with errands.  we haven't really done a full-day or even a half-day activity since we got here. everything we do takes half an hour, max.  it's a strange life. wedding planing sometimes gets stressful, not because of the wedding, but because of people's expectations of us. we'll be taking our first house-hunting, job-seeking trip to chattanooga this week, and i'm really excited about that, it makes everything seem a little closer.

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as i have been diligently ignoring the fact that i have a blog, many things have been happening. the most in my face one being that i only have a few weeks left in logan, west virginia. it seems weird but true nonetheless. this friday (a week from today) i am hopping on a train and going to get my lovely bride-to-be from south dakota via jess's wedding in chicago. and when we get back east of the mississippi, she'll be helping me to move out of new covenant and we'll be driving back to murfreesboro to live in the same town for the couple months before we get married. it's going to be incredible to have my very best friend at my fingertips; to be able to call her on the phone with the objective of spending time together in person; to be able to just watch her exist in front of me; to see her more often than once every few months. it's sad to be leaving logan but there are many many people who were there long before me and will be there long after me who will be continuing the work they started a long time ago, and let me join with them in for a short while. alissa and i are still trying to discern where it is we will be moving after the wedding, but it's really not that important right now (although some may think otherwise) we have lots of time. and the only thing that matters to us is that wherever we are, we'll have eachother.

one of the hardest things for us right now is the thought that what we're doing (moving to tennessee for a couple months before the wedding) seems almost selfish. it's the first major action either of us has taken in a while that's only for oursleves. this move is for our good, and the good of our relationship. and at the same time we are both leaving places where we (at least try) to exist everyday for other people. we talked about this today and i think the weird thing is that our move is for another, and in these upcoming months we will be learning more than ever how to exist for another: our spouse. it's going to take a mental shift to remember that a calling to love your spouse is a calling to love another, and maybe more than any other relationship it is a call to selflessness; an exodus out of selfishness, the thing that we both desire; this is a prime way to experience and grow in it. the problem is that i can't help but enjoy the benefit i receive from loving my almost-wife better, and therefore i have to fight the thought that this is a selfish desire. i have to fight the presumption that giving is always a burden and never a joy, and that i should somehow be more sad about pouring love into my wife. (thirteen weeks, five days!)

please pray for us as we work to let Christ change our mindsets and our priorities, and as we continue to seek His guidance and direction.

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it's a crazy world we live in.  for weeks only a few small green shoots were brave enough to try their hardest to break through the bare brown forests covering the mountainsides.  the creek banks were empty and you could see straight through the trees to the composting leaves and branches below.  then in about 5 days, seemingly overnight really, the mountains exploded.  there is not one tree in sight who has yet to put on its new spring outfit and the milkweed on the banks of the creeks and rivers is all of a sudden 5 feet tall or greater.  once again i am surrounded by walls of green.  i have missed it.  thats about as close as i can figure to what God was talking about when He spoke though isaiah saying,

"[12] For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." - [isaiah 55:12]

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The Doorknob

as we sat in the church sunday afternoon during the visitation hours for caitlin's mom, dr. don, one of the pastor's at new covenant, pointed out to matt, who was sitting next to me, the doorknob on a stained glass window depicting Jesus knocking at a door.  "there's not supposed to be a doorknob there," he said.

the picture in question is from revelation 3, the letter to the church in laodicea.  Jesus says,

"[20]Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me"

doc says the doorknob shouldn't be there because it is up to the tenant to open the door, Jesus can't enter without us asking Him in.  it's true we must ask Him in, but i wonder if He can't or if He just won't come in until we let Him.  i didn't say anything about it, because this is a completely unimportant matter of opinion based on personal interpretation of the Bible, but it got me thinking about the whole doorknob thing.  (i guess i should have told you that at the beginning so you could have avoided reading this... oh well.)  just as miracles occur when God decides to break the laws of nature that He set into place (or in other words, He can always make axe heads float and multiply a healthy-sized lunch into a feast for thousands, but He chooses to not do that stuff everyday), i don't think God forces us to "love" Him or be in a relationship with Him. instead, i think He allows us to let Him in even though, being God, He could probably get in regardless.  to me, love isn't really love unless you had a choice to not love in the first place.

i have heard people say in regards to this verse that God is the perfect gentleman; He will not come in uninvited.  i think that's true, no matter how many doorknobs there are.

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last wednesday, i got a call that woke me up (which isn't very out of the ordinary since i live my life on mountain time right now).  lisa told me that caitlin(one of the youth)'s mom was in the hospital with a very bad infection and the doctors said it didn't look good; she asked me to pray.  so i did, and then hurried over to the hospital to be with caitlin and her family.  my plans for the day were much different on tuesday, but i spent the day there with youth as some left school early, some came after, and one never went. we sat, we prayed, we waited, and we left every once in a while to get some air.  it was great to see such a throng of people there to support caitlin and her family.  all day people came and left, and some stayed.  at about 6:20 caitlin lost her mom to the disease.  the funeral was yesterday and again so many people came to support the family.  of course it was hard for her, but caitlin said over and over, praying out loud, "it's okay God, if you want her you can take her," confident because her mom was a Christian.  it reminded me of the quiet strength i saw in aaron as he sat in the hospital waiting for his surgery.  if God keeps raising up kids with faith like that, we'll all be in good hands.

i can't imagine what that day must have been like for caitlin. in my mind it plays like a movie montage.  when she went to sleep, everything was fine, but she was woken up early by the labored breathing of her mom and suddenly everything moves so fast.  from the home to the ambulance to the hospital to the failed surgery attempt to remove the infection to the critical care unit until 6:20 when suddenly everything stopped.  when she went to sleep all was well. but so much can happen in a day.

caitlin is doing VERY well considering the circumstances.  so many people are doing everything they can for her.  please pray for her and for those who are ministering to her and her family right now. THANKS!

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Partially Purified

sometimes i wonder if i ask God to purify me with His Holy fire only to wake up screaming for someone to put the fire out.

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a lot has been happening and this blog has fallen by the wayside. (sorry blog)

first of all you might be interested to know that i'm engaged! (even though every person who reads this already knows that, but i feel like the internet world as a whole should know, too) alissa and i are getting married in october and i am VERY excited.

she was here for a little bit in december and january and we also made a trip back to tennessee then. i started a job with the after school program at nearby omar elementary teaching 3rd and 4th graders about water. i got to go to south dakota to visit my wonderful wife-to-be a couple weeks ago and we had a lot of fun. i've been tutoring this guy in english (surprising, right?) and math. and i'm still going to meetings every month. in other words, life is much more exciting nowadays than it was in the fall. God has provided me with lots to do all of a sudden and people to share life with. He's also been growing the relationships i've had with some of the youth and with joey from church. it's like all of a sudden He opened a window and started dropping joys down on me.

logan itself isn't doing quite as well right now. there have been quite a few structure fires in the last month; some fatal, some not; some accidental, some not. and it seems as though there have been an extreme bump in teen (and one pre-teen) pregnancies. but along with these and all the normalities of southern west virginia, there is hope and it is rising. the secretary at the church i go to and a woman from another area church have started a branch of the goshen project here in town. this is a group that sends backpacks full of food home with students who qualify for free or reduced lunch over the weekend; three meals a day. this is incredibly needed in an area where many kids go without proper meals unless it's a school day. the problem is there are so many kids to feed! they started with 6 students this year and have been asked to expand to at least 30 next year. they are in dire need of supplies/money and helpers. please pray for them (missy and elizabeth) as they undertake this huge responsibility. also, the salvation army is starting a new youth group, and a few community organizations have new directors ready to jump in and get things moving.

no that we've caught up, this weekend was wonderful, and much appreciated. friday i got to hang out with a bunch of the high school boys from youth group, we hung out and played some basketball at a neighborhood court. saturday i headed up to charleston for the state high school poetry reading finals. no one from logan was participating but it was great to see a group of students doing a great job at a positive thing. i had lunch at the farmer's market, stopped by a local bakery, and hung out at a downtown bookstore for ages. then on my way home i treated myself to a nice dinner. it was a lovely day. then yesterday, church was very good. the people who work with the youth group got together afterward and prayed together. i invited joey over to have some fresh soup and share the huge sourdough loaf i had bought saturday. we hung out for the after noon and some kids from kids club stopped by and we played four-square and uno until they had to go home. like i said, a great weekend.

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