Dust

most days i think there is nothing i would rather like than a new job. i can feel in my innermost being that i am not in the right place. which gets me thinking about what is the right place. what was i made to do? i have a lot of interests, which makes it difficult sometimes to see what my true gifts are. because i can sew, but not like a tailor or a seamstress. and i can build, but not like a carpenter. however, from each of these things i get satisfaction, and i would do any of them on a day off and enjoy it. oftentimes i feel two pulls on my life. one to do work with my hands and one to be relational with others. and when i do both, i feel alive.

in genesis, when the consequences of the fall are laid out, God says to adam,

"cursed is the ground because of you;

in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;

thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;

and you shall eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread,

till you return to the ground,

for out of it you were taken;

for you are dust,

and to dust you shall return."   - [genesis 3:17b-19]

and from that point on humans, perhaps specifically men were called to labor for their livelihood. "by the sweat of your face shall you eat bread." this sweat is the thing i feel like i yearn for. the labors we were called to were simple labors, necessary labors. growing food, making bread. the labors that enable us to sustain ourselves and our families. i feel like at my core i long for the ability to do these labors and not have to worry about pay or money. i feel like life should be simpler than that. I want to be able to cook and bake for people, clean, or build a chair or a table in exchange for a place to live. i feel like i need my time to be spent in sweat to be true to who i was created to be, and who i became after the fall. just as i know my wife pines deeply for the opportunity to be a mother (part of her role as described in genesis 3).

i suppose, to be more concise, i have recently begun to more strongly feel my connection with the dust from which i came. i feel my body's desire to be a part of that dust, and to follow in my Father's footsteps, molding it into the things that sustain life. to me, this seems paramount. and regardless of whether i find it in a job, i need a job that will allow me to partake in dust.

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